December 16, 2009

3 Magi Expanded, Now Includes Transgendered 'Queen'

WASHINGTON, DC -- The US Czar of Diversity today has officially augmented the three Wise Men in Christian lore with additional Magi, one "transgendered" and another "of hispanic origins".  The move extends a 1993 effort to replace the three traditionally Persian Magi with three Kings that better represent US racial minorities: an Asian King, African King, and Middle Eastern King.

A spokesperson for the Czar cited the move as an effort to advance affirmative action in primitive religions, "For centuries, people have been taught to believe that a non-diverse group of Magi visited the so-called 'Christian Savior' at his birth.  This has unfairly taught children of all races, creeds, and genders that they could never aspire to be a Magi.  We want to open that door for everyone."

The plan calls for the addition of an Androgynous Queen, Hispanic King, and Native American Tribal Chieftain to the current retinue, rounding out the complete set of official multicultural representatives (as of 2009).

The spokesperson also discussed implementation, "it will be similar to how we approach all of our work advancing diversity: a plan that gradually phases in the new template and phases out the old in references throughout popular culture and government literature, while vilifying as a racist any person or organization that doesn't toe the line.  Enforcement can also be through litigation.  For an example, look at how successful we were with multicultural images in advertisements, TV shows, and movies.  All now include some combination of male / female and at least 3 of the 5 official minority groups in the US."

The spokesperson also hinted at what might be next, "Well, we've never really been pleased with baby Jesus being white.  We're considering our options there, but these things take time."

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