Obama Denies "Socialist" Charge, Appoints 23rd Czar

NEW YORK CITY, NY -- "I am not a socialist" President Obama said at a speech yesterday, "I just want our society to take a great leap forward."  That great leap, according to the President, will come from "increased regulation, government takeover of some private industries, and redistribution of wealth. Now, friends and associates, I think we can all agree that is not socialism."  The President spoke to a gathering of Democratic party leaders in New York, vigorously defending himself from a few isolated extremist commentators who have called him a socialist.

The President took special care to use "important capitalist buzzwords" in a vague and unverifiable manner such as "economic recovery", "reasonable regulation", and "jobs."  He gave several examples of his financial savvy during the speech, including his recent decision to "not waste any more money on extra-planetary imperialism" and instead use the money here on social programs "for the public good."  Aids later confirmed he was alluding to "President Bush's failed Mars adventure."

Republican Senator Jim DeMint responded to the President's speech with the cryptic response "if it walks like duck and talks like a duck..."