February 10, 2010

Obama Expands "Climate Service" Agency to Include All Junk Science

WASHINGTON, DC -- The Obama administration has expanded the charter of their newly proposed Climate Service agency to include the study and promotion of "a variety of junk science, not just global warming." The Climate Service, which was to be organized within the National Oceanic and Atmospheric Administration and tasked with studying Climate Change, will instead reside in the Environmental Protection Agency (EPA) with "the rest of the true believers."

Ms. Marsha Burnsky, an Obama appointee with the EPA, said in prepared remarks yesterday that the new agency will "take taxpayer dollars and use them to promote all sorts of wacky ideas - not just climate change - by funding poorly designed experiments and hosting one-sided conferences. We were going to start a biased scientific journal, but decided there were enough already. In general terms, our task is to fool people into thinking something is real by giving it a thin veneer of 'science' in coordination with a lot of press releases and hype."  He added slyly, with a wink, "We might put a little pressure on people who don't toe the line, as well."

The new agency plans to hire hundreds of "self-proclaimed experts" that are emotionally and /or financially invested in their particular viewpoint, such that it prevents them from considering other possible explanations objectively. A degree in either their chosen scientific field or law is considered a minimum requirement for these positions.

"This change in charter has really opened up the field for us," Ms. Burnsky added excitedly. "We are now free to study and promote the Etheric Plane, perpetual motion machines, the flux capacitor, and a variety of other phenomenon in addition to our main goal of pushing 'Climate Change'."

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