February 12, 2010

President Predicts "Negative Unemployment" by 2018

WASHINGTON, DC -- President Obama made the bold prediction yesterday that the US would be basking in "negative unemployment" by 2018 if his third round of stimulus money was approved by congress.  He argued  that by adding 95,000 jobs every month, the stimulus package will cause unemployment to drop and "keep on dropping, right through the floor."

"Negative Unemployment", as explained by noted economists at the New York Times, is a condition where people are working two or more jobs, and are therefore employed more than full time.  The White House released a graphic showing the incredible drop in unemployment which will be caused by "throwing gobs of federal dollars" at the problem, noting as an aside "there are probably cases where this strategy has worked."

Obama provided several specific unemployment targets by election year: 6.2M in 2012, 1.6M in 2016, and -2.5M in 2020.  He went on to implore voters to continue to re-elect his party and offered the last 12 months as proof of how well "one-party rule" works for the country.

The call for more stimulus has been backed by nearly everyone except taxpayers, whose dwindling numbers have rendered their political influence less and less meaningful.


  1. Dude, yer friggin' killin' me! The last line had me in stiches.

  2. Well, thank you kindly, sir. Or madam.