February 17, 2010

Bush to Obama: "I'm Calling You Out"

WASHINGTON, DC -- In an unusual sequence of events, two US Presidents are making arrangements for a duel, to be held at a future date but set to occur at "high noon." Former President George W. Bush reportedly requested the "affair of honor" in response to current President Obama's repeated efforts to place blame on and otherwise defame his predecessor.  The alleged offense to Mr. Bush's honor occurred during the last year as President Obama has repeatedly made public statements blaming him for the current economic situation, on-going difficulties with terrorists, and foreign relations.

In the centuries-old dueling tradition, close friends or associates of the two protagonists act as "seconds" to make the arrangements; rules, location, and logistics. The fact that dueling is banned in all US States as well as the rather genteel dueling traditions dictate that negotiations between seconds be of a secretive nature. The Hell Gazette, however, has managed to discover details of the arrangements.

It was found that the choice of weapon is still being decided. Mr. Bush has indicated willingness to use any sort of firearm, having been trained and comfortable with small arms since his days at the Texas Air National Guard. President Obama, who has no military experience other than being elected Commander-in-Chief of all Armed Services, has indicated his preference of "litigation" as the weapon of choice. This stalemate has reportedly become a sticking point of negotiations.

Mr. Bush was overheard confronting President Obama during a photo session for Haitian relief efforts "I'm calling you out. Either man up and meet me on the field of honor or take responsibility for your actions and issue an apology.  Make that about 20 apologies."

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