WASHINGTON, DC -- "Anchors, Actors, and Activists" will be targeted for the latest round of windfall taxes, according to beltway insiders. "These folks are living it up while average people are practically starving in the streets," stated one staffer, who asked not to be named because he was not authorized to speak to the media.
A bill currently being worked on in secret and reportedly called "Punish The Non-productive Rich" will place special windfall taxes on people that make their living in the entertainment, news, and activism professions and bring in more than $10 million per year. Also targeted will be professional celebrities who don't appear to even be "entertainers" in the traditional sense. The taxes will amount to 95% of earnings, using the logic "They should be able to get by on what we pay the president to keep us entertained."
A spokeswoman for the League of Energized, Effective Citizens for Hope, a Hollywood-based think tank, disagreed that these "drastic measures" would help and stated angrily "These people aren't like rich bankers, merchants, and entrepreneurs - they genuinely care about people. They want to help others - many donate their time to worthy causes, you know." She continued "Besides, this punishes not only rich stars, but the many people they employ. I hope congress will be satisfied when a small army of hair stylists, fashion designers, massage therapists, and manicurists join the rolls of the unemployed."
February 8, 2010
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