Zoo Animals Form Black Caucus

LOS ANGELES, CA -- Gorillas, tarantellas, and crows have been using their combined might to influence policy at the LA Zoo on "issues that matter to black animals" after the creation of a Black Caucus two years ago. A spokesnake for the group, whose name sounds like "ssssssss", indicated the organization formed "because the color of our skin, feathers, or fur defines who and what we are and what is important to us." The group is currently lead by a coalition of Black Panthers and Black Mambas.

Mr. Ssssssss explained "in the wild, it was every creature for itself.  Your health and well-being was your responsibility and those that were smart and worked hard generally did well. Here in the zoo, however, things are different. We want influence over those decisions that affect us - things like food distribution, cleaning schedules, and what is sold in the gift shop."

Critics of the group say it hurts everyone to base policy decisions on a creature's color, and that it "only serves to divide us all, based on superficial physical characteristics."  These criticisms were forcefully denounced at a recent Black Caucus leadership retreat. One snake referred to critics as "colorists of the worst sort", and called for adding more laws against "colorism" in response.

The caucus was recently tainted with some controversy as several leaders were found to have added soft pillows and featherbeds to their living areas, while many supporters live on bare ground or straw. Despite these and other documented instances of corruption by some of the caucus leaders, they are firmly supported by nearly all black creatures. One supporter, a black squirrel who would not give his name, said "They got me this acorn didn't they? They took it from some red squirrels that had stashed away a whole bunch for winter. Those squirrels had a lot more than they needed, which isn't fair."

Supporters place blame for the "plight of black creatures everywhere" on "rampant colorism, which you can find everywhere, if you know what you are looking for."