Iranian President Plans to Compete in Olympics

VANCOUVER, CANADA -- Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad is planning a last minute entry into the Winter Olympics in an attempt to get his country's Olympic dreams "back on track."  Like fellow dictators Kim Jong-il of North Korea and Hugo Chavez of Venezuela, President Ahmadinejad is "the best at everything" and intends to easily win a gold in skiing for his country. It is hoped that this move will rally the nation's athletes to victory and result in more medal wins.  Iran has not won any medals to date.

His aims are more patriotic than personal, according to an unnamed minister.  "His gracious Excellency the President has decided to take time away from his very busy schedule to lead Iran to one more victory over the infidels. He doesn't do this for himself, but for the glory of Iran."  When asked why his athletes have not been performing well to date, the minister placed the blame generally on "the west" and specifically on the absence of a nuclear fuel deal with the US.

In other Olympic news, a high ranking Russian official has blamed former US President Ronald Reagan for their country's relatively poor showing at the Olympics this year. Former East German female weightlifting champion and current Russian Assistant Under-secretary of Finance Anna Klein was quoted as saying "Ever since I could shave, I remember the Olympics as a contest between the USSR and the US as to who could win more medals. If we had not torn down the wall all those years ago, perhaps things would be a little more interesting in Vancouver."