Typhus Bacteria Put on Endangered Species List

GLAND, SWITZERLAND -- The Rickettsia Bacteria, which causes Typhus in humans, was officially placed on the Endangered Species List this week, as conservationists stated that "help was urgently needed for this noble parasite to survive."  Citing the extinction of the smallpox-causing Variola major and Variola minor viruses, a spokesperson for the International Union for Conservation of Nature (IUCN) noted that "humans act as if they can do whatever they like to other living creatures in this world."

"Only by taking action can we help this bacteria reclaim the greatness and majesty it once held in the world," stated Dr. Johann Strumm, spokesperson for the IUCN.  "Together we can and will make a difference in the lives of many."

He recommended that a strategy of "shaky or misrepresented science combined with scare tactics" be used and pointed to its successful application in a variety of environmental fields.  He further highlighted the resurgence of the Plasmodium parasite, which causes malaria, by reducing the use of certain pesticides through lawsuits and political pressure.  "Here was a good example of using questionable claims of environmental impact to directly cause tens of millions more successful malaria infections, thereby ensuring the continued survival of these beautiful and unique creatures."