January 28, 2010

Home Obamanomics Classes Gaining Popularity

PRINCETON, NJ -- Like most things from the 1950s and 1940s, the "Home Economics" classes taught in American High Schools were racist, sexist, and homophobic. The classes taught young ladies the basics of running a household and managing family finances, with a focus on hard work and living within one's means. Luckily for this country, their popularity has waned dramatically since then, replaced by more practical classes in art, volunteering, and diversity.

One far-sighted Princeton Professor is working to revive the concept, but with a modern twist. He is pushing a version of these classes inspired by President Obama's vision of "Government-side" economics, called "Home Obamanomics". Dr. Ralph Sliprie, author of the popular book "The Personal Responsibility Myth: Why You Can't Be Blamed For Your Actions", has been quietly meeting with enthusiastic High School administrators around the country, explaining his innovative ideas and helping them create curricula around them.

Dr. Sliprie explained why these classes are necessary, "Americans used to have this idea that the family was the basic unit of society, with mothers acting as the bedrock foundation and most important piece of that: teaching, guiding, and protecting.  Despite efforts to erase it, the notion persisted that mothers and fathers had different sets of skills and together they formed more than the sum of the parts.  However, most educated people know that government and pop culture are really the pillars our culture rests on and that instant gratification of urges and desires should override everything else.  Unfortunately, a few folks still believe in the anachronistic 'traditional family': father / mother / children.  It's especially sad for the children in these situations and something I've devoted my life to fixing."

His goal is to instill "updated" values in the nation's youth such as bailouts for failure, spending your way out of debt, services provided by a generous and benevolent Federal Government, and the "warm glow" that arises from having union dues automatically deducted from your paycheck "in the event your life choices happen to include working."

The classes will walk students through scenarios they might encounter in real life, and prescribe the best way to handle such things.  "For example," says Dr. Sliprie, "we all have bills due at the end of the month.  This class teaches you the practical life lesson of how to apply for government assistance to pay those bills.  Or how to petition the utility company to reduce your payments, because you are in debt, out of work, or just deserve it.  As extra credit, students can demonstrate publicly against private utility companies and press for government takeover of these things.  That way no one has to pay for it!"

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