April 1, 2010

UK Group Offers to Swap Health Care Systems With US

LONDON, ENGLAND --- Nigel Blakely is the head of the UK group "Trade the National Health Now."  The Hell Gazette interviewed him last week, after President Obama's health care reform was signed into law.

HG: What is the thought behind this movement?
Blakely: You Yanks are on the path to socialized health care. We've had it in the UK for years now - since the 40s - and your current system is much better. Wait times are lower, survival rates higher, and you pay less on average than we do. If you decide you want to scrap what you have and move to what we have, we're offering a trade. We'll take your castoff health care system and send you ours. We'll even pay to ship it over there for you.
HG: Sound fair.
Blakely: Think of it as a trade-in on your old, used health plan.  It still runs but you don't like the colour [color] any more.  We're willing to give you a nice, shiny new lemon in its place.  Don't look under the bonnet [hood] - because the engine doesn't run - but won't it look good sitting in the driveway?  Your neighbors will certainly admire it, as it's a newer version of the ones they all have.
HG: Is your system really that bad?
Blakely: No, it's much worse. Study after study has shown that our system - socialized health care - is terrible. A free market system works much better. Even your semi-free-market system beats our hands down.
HG: How big is this movement in the UK?
Blakely: Well, so far it is only includes the people who have had to deal with the poor level of care, rationing, and intense paperwork involved to get health care: in other words, just about anyone who has ever been sick or injured, with the exception of some politicians.
HG: We're not authorized to negotiate for anyone, but what would you say if we threw in all of our personal injury lawyers as well?
Blakely: Hmm.  We'll have to think about that deal.  I'll get back to you, but I still think it's worth it.

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