Congressman Claims He Was "Uh, Lynched"

WASHINGTON, DC -- Following the scandalous possible but unverified use of a racial slur weeks ago by an unknown  person in a crowd who may or may not have been associated with the Tea Party movement, one of the Congressman involved has come forward with the revelation that he also was lynched. "I was walking to the Capital to vote and a large mob appeared all around me.  I was called names, and spit upon. Then I was kicked and punched, then, uh, lynched and murdered," said Rep. Emanuel Cleaver of Missouri.  After questions regarding the lack of physical evidence or any recording of the incident, he added "I got better."

Although no proof of these allegations has yet been found, most reporters have deemed the story credible and have been trumpeting the accusations.  As one reporter from the New York Times noted, "Who  are you going to believe? An honest politician who has nothing to gain from these accusations, or a bunch of rabble who have nothing better to do than stand outside all day and shout things at our duly elected officials?  Besides, this is racism we are talking about here - the worst of all possible things."

"This controversy has eroded what little support the Tea Party movement had in this country and promises to finally break up the disorganized group" says a well-known nightly news anchor who declined to be named.  She went on to say "the Tea Party will never resonate with the people of this country, because it is based upon the principles of constitutional limits of government power and personal freedom. We the People don't believe in any of that stuff."