April 8, 2010

Pope Declares Holy War on Islam

VATICAN CITY -- The leader of the Catholic Church, Pope Benedict XVI, has officially declared Holy War on the religion of Islam, reciprocating Islam's war declaration 800 years ago.

This act by the Catholic church marks the first counter-declaration of war by one of the many foes of Islam. The embattled religion is currently engaged in a many-fronted conflict with Christianity, Hinduism, Buddhism, democracy, civilization, the scientific method, cartoons, movies, running water and electricity, and women's fashions.  The war on women's fashion is reportedly the only one currently doing well, with halter tops and high heels pushed back and in retreat everywhere.

The Catholic Church's plans and broader strategy for the war have not been released, but speculation by experts is that they plan to stop "turning the other cheek" when attacked by jihadists and will instead start to protect themselves and organize to retake lost territory.  Their hope is that they can return the middle east to its former Christian status before Muslim invaders conquered the region, resulting in the systematic murder and forcible conversion of the Christians and Hindus dwelling there during the interceding centuries.

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