April 9, 2010

Tough Year for Corruption

WASHINGTON, DC -- The National Association for the Promotion of Corruption (NAPC) has given its stamp of approval to the Obama administration. This little known, but well-funded organization has been quietly advancing the cause of corruption in public office for about 80 years.

"All in all, it's been a tough year for corruption," said NAPC President Donald Swill. "We lost some real stalwarts in Congress; first Kennedy, then Murtha. These folks were giants of corruption: people that are difficult to replace. In addition, Rangel lost his Chairmanship and ACORN lost its funding. These are setbacks for corrupt behavior.  Luckily, we see a lot of promise in the Obama administration."

He went on to cite examples of shady behavior that he called the "bright spots" of last year. "The TARP funds come to mind - the audacity to borrow trillions and then funnel it to friends and allies. This was a beacon of hope for those of us who value immoral behavior. Then the various efforts at propaganda, from delivering messages directly to classrooms to the whole Ellie White thing. We feel this is an administration that really thinks about duping its citizens in some new and innovative ways."

Mr. Swill's biggest regret is the loss of of Ted Kennedy. "I could go on and on about Teddy, but suffice to say he won the MCP [Most Corrupt Politician] a record 8 times in the last 30 years. That is our highest award, and every year there is pretty fierce competition for it. We're considering honoring his legacy by creating a new award: The Ted Kennedy Lifetime Achievement Award. An award like this will inspire the next generation of politicians to dig deep into themselves - and the taxpayer's pockets - to lie, cheat, steal, and break laws to benefit themselves and their friends."

Despite periodic setbacks, Mr. Swill has never lost hope about the future of corruption in America. "While I think it will be many years before we reach the levels of Mexico or China, I think we as a nation are definitely headed that way. More nationalization of private industry would help, as would the continued decay of individual rights.  Overall, I have a lot of hope that change is on its way for this country."

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