March 19, 2010

President's New Fix for Economy: Book Deals for All

WASHINGTON, DC -- The old adage "the business of America is business" has been replaced, according to President Obama.  "The business of America is entertainment," the President stated while pushing his latest quick fix for the economy: force publishers to give multi-million dollar book deals to everyone.

"Many in Congress have increased their wealth through lucrative book deals," the President said during a press conference in the Rose Garden this morning. "Bubba got one, Hil [Hillary Clinton] got one, I got two. We finally figured it out: everyone should get one. So, we're working to make that law."  The President often refers to his close friend Bill Clinton as "Bubba".

Congressional Budget Office (CBO) estimates show that once everyone in the United States is a multi-millionaire under this new plan, tax revenues will rise dramatically as millions of people who formerly paid no taxes will now submit up to 60% of their new-found wealth to government coffers.  CBO staffers said they had to invent new numbers just to make the calculations.  New York Times economists also put the stamp of approval on the plan in various opinion pieces published immediately after the announcement.

One potential snag the President mentioned was the "hundreds of thousands of illiterate public school students."  The White House will soon release plans to solve this problem, by allowing those "few special cases" to receive picture book deals or have their books ghost-written by government employees.

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