November 21, 2009

"Clunker" Programs Expanded

WASHINGTON, DC -- The White House today announced a continuation of the popular "if it ain't broke, fix it" programs.  A White House spokesperson was quoted as saying "We started with ARRA, then Cash for Clunkers, and now the Appliance Replacement Program.  Due to the effectiveness of these programs to take a functioning product and replace it with something brand new using free Government money, we've decided to keep the pressure on the US economy by taking it to the next level."

That "next level" is the Building Replacement Program, which will tear down buildings currently in use and replace them with a new copy.  The goal is to "continue getting people back to work", and the Obama administration is sure this might be the last stimulus needed.

In a briefing at the White House Rose Garden, staffers proudly displayed the results of a pilot program that has been going on since January, where the James Carter Federal Building was demolished, then rebuilt from the ground up, employing dozens of construction workers and craftsman.

One excited staffer said "The 320 people who work in this building are now surrounded by brand new walls, windows, fixtures, and furniture.  It only spent about $130 Million, so we obviously need to expand the program.  If that doesn't help the economy, we don't know what will!"  The expanded program will spend about $160 billion over three years, and impact an undisclosed number of buildings.

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