Sharpton Opposes Haitians Adopted by "Crackers"

WASHINGTON, DC -- One year after the tiny island nation of Haiti was devastated by an earthquake, the prominent Civil Rights hero Reverend Al Sharpton is speaking out against the more than 1,100 Haitian orphans that have been adopted by "Crackers all over the country."

"It is wrong for these once-proud black children raised honorably in poverty by our black cousins to now become a part of Whitey's machine. They are being brainwashed by their adoptive families that this country is one that provides opportunity and openness to all of God's children. My black brothers and sisters know that is not true," Reverend Sharpton was quoted as saying as he stepped from one of the 7 black limousines containing his privately-funded entourage and security detail to speak on the steps of the Capital.

Many of the adopted children have shown a remarkable resiliency and are now thriving despite the tragedy and horror they have been through.  Some experts believe a stable and safe home, good nutrition, and a loving family could be contributing factors to these successes. When asked about this point, Rev. Sharpton seemed bewildered by the concept, but replied eventually "don't believe everything you read."

Rev. Sharpton proposed a two-part solution whereby Haitian children would be placed with black welfare families.  This solution, he said, "would get them away from The Man and also bring more income to the black community in the form of welfare dollars."  In addition, he demanded that the Federal Government provide money to his National Action Network organization, equal to the amount it currently owes in back-taxes.