January 12, 2011

"Extra-Constitutional Bubble" Around Lawmakers Proposed

WASHINGTON, DC -- As the nation recovers from the recent shooting of a Congresswoman in Arizona, Representative Peter King (R-NY) is trying to do something to prevent future attacks.  He is interested in banning firearms within 1000 ft. of high-ranking government officials.

Rep. King admitted that this bill violates the 2nd amendment to the Constitution, but added "We are looking into a 1000 ft. area around lawmakers where the constitution just wouldn't apply at all.  No Amendments; No 'We The People' - nothing.  None of that stuff would matter within our 1000 ft. spheres."  When asked whether that would mean nearly all of Capital Hill would exist inside this "extra-constitutional bubble", he responded angrily "What's the difference?  We've been operating that way for decades!"

The proposal has the backing of a significant number in Congress and the President, many of whom have assumed the bill will pass and are now working on the implementation.  One congressional aid provided details about a proposed "entourage" that would follow all high-ranking Federal lawmakers around to make measurements when a constitutional call needed to made "near the boundaries."  "We see a small team being a good solution, like the chain gangs they have at football games," noted the senior staffer.  "Perhaps the measurement team should consist of a member from each branch of government - that sounds like something the Founding Fathers could have written," the aid added thoughtfully.

A spokesperson for President Obama related the President's anticipation of signing the bill into law "so all of us here can live in this bubble - happily protected and busy working on the important issues of the day."

No comments:

Post a Comment