January 11, 2011

AZ Shooter "Claimed" by the Left

TUCSON, AZ -- Although originally charged with being part of the "vast right wing conspiracy" by the media following his shooting rampage in Arizona on January 8th, 2011, suspected murderer Jared Lee Loughner has since been "claimed" by left-wing organizations who now are attempting to portray him in a slightly different light.

A representative of the Democratic party who asked not to be named said "Immediately after it happened, we just assumed he was a right-winger.  I mean, here you have this skin-head looking guy gunning down a House Rep with 'D' after her name.  At that point, who would have been shocked if the guy worked for Halliburton or BP and had his KKK membership card in his pocket, right?  For us, that means attack, attack, attack the usual suspects; Glenn Beck, Rush, Sarah Palin - standard operating procedure, right?  Unfortunately, it turns out he is pot-smoking loser who reads the Communist Manifesto and has all sorts of strange and incoherent beliefs.  We had no choice but to claim him as one of our own."  The University of Alabama shooter last year, Amy Bishop, was similarly "claimed" last year by the political far left.

Many prominent left-leaning organizations are busy providing possible defenses against accusations that they incited Mr. Loughner to perform this horrible act.  The Green Party was the first, providing the following statement on Monday, "We are shocked and saddened by the horrific acts of last Saturday.  However, we have strong reason to believe the act was performed in error and Mr. Loughner was actually aiming for the non-organically grown vegetables in aisle 12.  A few humans were unfortunately caught in the crossfire."

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