May 10, 2010

CDC Worried About Islam / Mental Ilness Link

ATLANTA, GA -- "My first thought when hearing about the Times Square bomber, was 'No - not another one!'" says Dr. Jackson "Jack" Ath, the principle investigator tracking the strange link between "lone wolf" homicidal criminals and the Muslim faith.  "This disease - whatever it is - has claimed another. Luckily for us all, the poor man didn't harm anyone this time, but it is still yet another troubling sign of the pervasiveness of this illness."

Dr. Ath and his colleagues at The World Health Organization have been tracking and studying this unusual correlation since about January 2009.  "We're not sure what the cause is exactly," he explains.  "It could be related to diet; a lack of pork or the fasting that occurs during Ramadan.  Perhaps it has something to do with facing East more often than the general population. It is possible dogs provide some sort of immunity from this illness in addition to being 'man's best friend.'  We really don't have an answer at this time, but we are committed to finding it before another person succumbs to this dreaded affliction."

The only information they have is that the disease causes some form of mental illness that makes individuals want to commit random murder and property damage. They usually try to kill as many people as possible and meticulously plan their crimes for weeks or months. Three prominent cases have been in the news the last year, first the "Ft. Hood Shooter", then the "Christmas Day Bomber" and now the "Times Square Bomber." In every case, the perpetrator of these unusual crimes acted alone and happened to also be an active member of the peaceful Muslim faith.  No motive has been found in any of the cases, but the investigations are all still pending.

Dr. Ath has tracked cases of the disease as far back as the 1970s.  "I just hope we find the cause, and then a cure," he concludes. "Our data shows that the instances of it happening are increasing every year.  If this goes on much longer or one of these isolated individuals successfully commits a mass murder, it might make people think badly of zealous Muslims.  Muslims might start to get treated differently than everyone else, purely based on their religious views. That would probably be the most tragic result of all."

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