February 23, 2012

Syrian Army Attacks Homs: "We believe they are burning Korans"

HOMS, SYRIA -- As months of a brutal crackdown continue and the civilian death toll stretches into the thousands, the Syrian Army revealed that it is only shelling cities because of reports that the Koran is being burned in rebel-held regions. "We have strong reason to believe they are burning Korans in there," an Army official said, while directing fire into heavily populated areas.

Arab League observers in the country confirmed this and said they were taken to areas recaptured from the rebels where they saw "a lot of ash and debris, which obviously came from all the Korans they had been burning." Burning or desecration of the holy book of Islam is considered a terrible crime by Muslims, usually cleansed by the random killing of infidels.

It is unknown why the rebels are burning the Korans, since journalists are not allowed in the areas of Syria under rebellion. Syrian Army commanders confirmed that they don't know why the Korans are being burned, but "we must take action to stop it."

An Al-Jazeera poll of several middle eastern populations showed that approval for the Syrian response against its people, which includes the murder and torture of women and children, increased substantially after the allegations of Koran burning were reported. Saudi Arabian carpet salesman Al-Aliz Mohammed summed up the feelings of many in the Arab world by noting "the only thing that could be better than bombing the cities is to somehow construct a giant shoe and show the rebels the bottom of that shoe. I've heard Russian scientists are working on just such a shoe for Iran."

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