February 13, 2012

10+ States Granted 'Flexibility' in Fed'l School Requirements

Washington, DC -- President Barack Obama's administration announced this week that it would grant waivers to the "No Child Left Behind" act for 10 states. The law requires states to prove that their students meet a minimum competency level in reading and mathematics by 2014. Education Secretary Arne Duncan provided details on the waivers starting with the statement "It is pretty much Bush's fault. He's the one who pushed for these so-called 'educational standards' to be met. He's the one who garnered bi-partisan support to get it passed. I don't understand why people think it is so important to teach kids reading and math anyway." As many as 29 more states are reportedly considering the waivers in the coming years.

Duncan provided extensive details on what the Obama administration's goals are for education as journalists asked for clarification on the shocking announcement. "Teaching about the environment, why unions are vital to this country, the importance of diversity, and the incredible Barack Obama - that is what kids are learning today. Why, when I think of all those tiny, impressionable little faces upturned and staring at a giant image of our current leader while being told what an intelligent and compassionate man he is I get a little choked up. Why should our youngsters be burdened with learning math or reading? Look at this example problem from one of the standardized tests: 'Using a calculator and the chart below, determine the annual interest payments on 15 trillion dollars of debt.' That's just not realistic training for life anymore."

Analysts backed up the Secretary's claims that children don't need to learn "all that old junk", with several notable scientific journals publishing Federally-funded studies and research this month detailing how old-fashioned subjects like math, reading, and science are unnecessary in today's complex world.

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