June 29, 2010

White House Kicks Off "Everyone is a Czar" Program

WASHINGTON, DC -- The President's staff kicked off the new "Everyone is Czar" program this week at a White House Rose Garden celebration.  "We're telling everyone without a job to come here to Washington and become a Czar," said the program's coordinator, Michelle Slushy.

The initiative is targeted at people that have run out of unemployment benefits, which staffers say initially made the program difficult to run.  "The administration has wanted this program from day one.  Unfortunately, we were originally in conflict with the unemployment program. Every time we'd try to start the 'Everyone is a Czar' program, they'd extend the amount of time someone can receive unemployment benefits. Someone getting paid to do nothing is not going to be interested in the possibility of having to work, even if they do get a prestigious title like 'Czar'," the staffer noted, with a laugh.

"So we decided to coordinate with them - make lemons out of lemonade. You can stay on unemployment for 18 months, then - as a reward - you have the option to roll over into a Czar job. We choose what you are Czar of from the dictionary, starting with Aardvark. We are currently interviewing for Carp Czar."

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