June 4, 2010

Congress Mulls Mandating More Private Company Hiring

WASHINGTON, DC -- As the US Labor Department released payroll figures today showing payrolls up 431,000 in May, the revelation that 95% of these were temporary census workers has caused Congress to consider ways to help the private sector "catch up" on the significant hiring and spending that the Government has been doing.  The front runner is a bill from Senator Joe Skwerly (D-NY) which would make all privately-held companies hire 7% more employees before November of this year.

Mr. Skwerly noted at a press conference "We've tried everything else we could think of to 'prime the pump' on private industry hiring. More regulations, more taxes, more government debt, more oversight - nothing seems to be working. At this point, we're done messing around - we'll just make it law.  Problem solved."

Many in Congress and the press applauded Mr. Skwerly's "strong and effective" approach to the problem and it is rumored he may seek the Democratic Presidential nomination in 2012 as "a man who can get things done."  The John Maynard Keynes Economics Chair at Columbia University, Dr. Martin Dunse, noted "If I were advising the President, I'd suggest a two-pronged approach: hire more census workers - since anyone hired at least 1 hour per month counts as a new hire - and push for implementation of Senator Skwerly's brilliant and far-sighted plan."

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