January 19, 2012

Romney Hopes to Become RNC's "Least Disliked Candidate"

McBee, SC -- "My positions have been carefully crafted so no one is too unhappy with them. I don't say things that might cause a confrontation. My hair is perfect and I smile a lot. This is my year!" shouted Republican Presidential Candidate Mitt Romney at a campaign stop during his race to the nomination. The assembled crowd signaled enthusiastic approval by politely clapping and smiling back.

"My team has created a bold plan which differs from the status quo in several relatively significant areas, considered non-controversial to a majority of eligible voters." Mr. Romney continued passionately, his voice rising slightly.

Party leaders consider him the ultimate moderate candidate. "He combines the self control of Bob Dole, the ferocity of John McCain, and just enough Walter Mondale to please New Hampshire voters. With a combination like that, how can the voters lose?" says Republican party staffer Jack Tomson.

Supporters noted his many strengths, starting with being "a very disciplined speaker." As campaign worker Tom Jackson stated, "He works hard at not saying too much and saying it in a careful way. The press is going to have a really hard time finding little sound bites that can be used against him. That alone qualifies him to be leader of the free world, as far as most voters are concerned."

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