November 22, 2011

US Switches Policies on Iran and "Rich People"

WASHINGTON, DC -- The United States Executive branch has decided to "swap policies" to jumpstart progress against its two biggest threats: Iran and Rich People. President Barack Obama outlined the changes to US policy in a speech this past week, noting "Iran is pursuing nuclear weapons and is a dangerous country. Millionaires and billionaires are pursuing more and more money and are dangerous people. In the past, we've issued sanctions on the one and ramped up taxes and rhetoric against the other. We're simply going to swap the two policies to see if maybe that works." Aids responded to questions after the speech, saying "it's something we're going to try for a little while and see what happens. If after a year or so we're no better off, we'll probably switch them back."

Under the new US stance, the President and his staff will seek to increase taxes on the country of Iran and start directing heated rhetoric toward the Middle Eastern nation, vilifying it. In addition, Rich People - the official definition hasn't yet been provided, but pundits generally agree this will probably mean anyone making more than $250,000 a year - will find their bank accounts frozen and travel restricted until they agree to either transform their businesses into green energy suppliers or give all their "excess" money to charity or the US Treasury.

An administration spokesperson added "one definition of insanity is to keep trying the same thing and expecting different results. This proves we're not crazy after all."

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