November 2, 2011

CDC: Racism a Disease, DNC Has Secret Vaccine

Druid Hills, GA -- The US Center for Disease Control (CDC) has revealed racism to be a disease which only humans of Caucasian ancestry can contract. This shocking announcement was made today by a CDC press release after years of speculation by conspiracy theorists worldwide.

A document from the CDC describing the findings was leaked to several media outlets in 1992, but most declined to publish it. The document, on CDC letterhead and now acknowledged as genuine, alluded to the knowledge that racism was a disease to which only white people are succeptible, caused by a virus called Fraudulus Accuzashiun. The disease is passed socially, by talking with or being around people who have it - most of whom show no symptoms and don't even realize they have it themselves. Mass gatherings, such as the Tea Party rallies of the last few years, have resulted in thousands of new infections, causing the World Health Organization to classify it as an 'outbreak' in the US.

The most controversial part of the elaborate cover was the revelation that the Democratic National Committee (DNC) funded the CDC to produce a vaccine for the disease, which has been kept secret from rank-and-file members, but distributed through beverages served at DNC events since the late 1960s. Whole states have also been inoculated, including California and Vermont, "for testing purposes" according to a high-ranking CDC official.

The late Senator Robert Byrd was one of the early test cases for the vaccine, who was a member of the KKK at a young age.  He was miraculously cured after receiving the vaccine.

Other unusual programs to combat the disease include the use of racism-sniffing dogs, created by injecting German Shepherds with a serum made from the Rev. Jesse Jackson's blood.  Dogs were provided to select news outlets to "aid in disease detection," according to sources.

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