Liberal Politicians Ponder "Life After Office"

WASHINGTON, DC -- As some lawmakers in the Democratic party realize their careers are probably going to end within the next 1-3 years, many are starting to look beyond their generous, taxpayer-provided golden parachutes and think about what they will do next. "Televangelism" was surprisingly ranked as the first choice in a recent poll of DC politicians, when asked about their planned "life after public office."

"The skills of a modern liberal politician and televangelist are very similar" says Lucas "Cool Hand" Luke, a Political Science Professor at the University of Massachusetts. "Both involve public speaking. Both involve articles of faith that transcend scientific investigation. Both involve proselytizing to people - especially the young - in hopes of making them devout, lifelong members of the congregation. Where they differ is that one believes an important function of faith is to promote moral and responsible behavior."

Ranking second in the poll, taken shortly after Martha Coakley's recent defeat in the Massachusetts Senate race, was the category "Continued Public Debauchery, Unpaid" followed closely by "Well-heeled Lobbyist / Designated Driver." Fortunately for fans of the current group of legislators, "Retirement" fell almost at the bottom of the list, right after "International Peace-monger."